- Do say: would you please take out the garbage?
Do not say: could you get off your big butt and do something around here? What am I, the maid?
- Do say: would you like to go out to a nice dinner Saturday night?
Do not say: could you please take me to any restaurant that doesn’t have the words “burger”, “king”, or “happy meal” in their advertising??
- Do say: would you mind watching the kids while I take a night off with my girlfriends?
Do not say: could you, just for one night, watch the kids you helped spawn-that I never get a break from-ever! I haven’t seen my friends in so long we wear name tags to identify ourselves.
- Do say: would you take me to a movie this week?
Do not say: could you prove to me you’re not Velcroed to the couch and actually have the motor skills to take me to a motion picture? Something without Pamela Anderson in it.
- Do say: would you like me to listen to you talk about your day some more?
Do not say: could you step up the filibuster, Sparky? Jeopardy is on in ten minutes.
- Do say: would you like to take a vacation?
Do not say: could you move out?
- Do say: would you get out of my life?
Do not say: could you get out of my life?
- Notice how different these two statements are.
A man is much more likely to get out of your life if you say “would”.
Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:
- Make sure the man is conscious.
- Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
- Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.
- Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.
- Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
- Use “would you” or “will you” instead of “you’d better” or “do as I say and no one will get hurt.”