Always remember these six important rules when asking a man to do something:

• Make sure the man is conscious.
• Crash the hard drive on his computer and line the bird cage with the sports section.
• Be brief! Limit your nagging harangue to two, three hours, max.
• Reward him for cooperative behavior. Offer to cook him something that doesn’t have a peel-back cover.
• Punish him when he refuses to cooperate. Microwave his remote on high power for 55 minutes. Rotate 1/4 turn, and microwave again for another 35 minutes.
• Use “would you” or “will you” instead of “you’d better” or “do as I say and no one will get hurt.”