Geography of a Woman
- Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.
- Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.
- Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.
- Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France, gently aging but still a warm and a desirable place to visit.
- Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war, haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.
- Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are un-patrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.
- Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.
- After 70, they become Afghanistan. Most everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.
Geography of a Man
- Between 15 and 70 a man is like Iran – ruled by a dick.
- Andes is an after dinner mint
- The Balkans are an alien people on Star Trek
- The English Channel is a TV sitcom about Charles and Camilla
- The United Kingdom is a cultural theme park
- Butte Montana is Joe’s new girlfriend
- Reno Nevada is what you get for being Attorney General
- The Tropic of Cancer is a sunscreen lotion
- The $10,000 Pyramid is in Egypt
- The Gaza Strip is a Middle Eastern folk dance
- The Ring of Fire is the center ring of Barnum and Bailey’s Circus
- The Bermuda Triangle is a percussion instrument in a reggae band
- The Cumberland Gap gives out a pair of clogs with every set of jeans
- The International Dateline is a new cable TV network
- The Equator is a cartoon action figure
- The Continental Shelf is a specialty section of the supermarket
- An archipelago is a food stabilizer
- The Dust Bowl is Granny’s old favorite dish
- A fault is what you find in other people
- A fjord is a Norwegian car
- A mantle is what goes over your fireplace
- Tide is a laundry detergent
- You can do a research paper to find out who killed the Dead Sea
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