Martha Stewart Living Fall Lifestyle Tips

  • Never mix your orange jumpsuit with a clashing gang bandana.
  • Teardrops and webbings carved into your face with a razor blade and a ball point pen is tre passé. Slice in something seasonal–like a pineapple. Or a classic like sparkling stars.
  • Tired of your daily ration of meatcakes and pudding? Spice it up with plenty of viscous tomato puree or catsup. Remember that not only does catsup kill the taste, it’s almost a vegetable.
  • Lower intestine stuffed with a balloon of heroin? Just a tablespoon of Epsom Salt should flush that precious package right out!
  • Your submissive cell mate deserves a treat! A little hint of lavender or vanilla will scent the sock you stuff in your bitch’s mouth before dolling out sorely needed discipline. Aromatherapy… it’s a good thang.
  • Thinking about rolling up your sleeves while pumping iron? A little soap scum can be used to grease those muscles right up so they glint in the prison yard sun.
  • Hot colors this season: Mandarin; Apricot; Traffic Cone; Caribbean Sunset; Pumpkin; Life Preserver; Electric Sunkist.