Tag Archives: baptism

Bats in the Belfry

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Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One said “You know, since summer started I’ve been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I’ve tried everything–noise, spray, cats–nothing seems to scare them away.”

Another said “Yeah, me too. I’ve got hundreds living in my belfry. I’ve even had the place fumigated, and they won’t go away.”

The third said, “I baptized all mine, and made them members of the church. Haven’t seen one back since!!!”

Signs You’re at a Bad Baptism

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  • The Coast Guard is involved.
  • The service is held at Splash Mountain Water Parks.
  • Pastor wears scuba gear.
  • As the baptism begins the organist plays the theme from “Jaws.”
  • The preacher uses a “Billy the Bass” singing “Take Me to the River” instead of the traditional “Shall We Gather at the River?”.
  • You keep hearing the pastor saying, “Oops! Honestly, sister; I didn’t know about that drop-off!”
  • The pastor can’t get the rather large person being baptized back up out of the water and calls for help.
  • The deacon board shows up with fishing gear.
  • Just as the choir starts to sing, Paul Hogan jumps out of the water and wrestles the preacher into submission.
  • Two Words: Alka Seltzer