Tag Archives: airplane

Oh, My God!

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A plane was taking off from Kennedy Airport. After it reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from New York to Los Angeles. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax – OH MY GOD!”

Silence.

Then, the captain came back on the intercom and said, “Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight-attendant brought me a cup of coffee and spilled the hot coffee in my lap. You should see the front of my
pants!”

A passenger in Coach said, “That’s nothing. He should see the back of mine!”

I’m Flying to New York

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A beautiful young blonde boards a plane to New York with a ticket for the economy section. She looks at the seat in economy and then looks into the forward cabin at the first class seats. Seeing that the first class seats appear to be much larger and more comfortable, she moves forward to the last empty one.

The flight attendant checks her ticket and tells the woman that her seat is in economy. The blonde replies “I’m young, blonde and beautiful and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.”

Flustered, the flight attendant goes to the cockpit and informs the captain of the blonde problem. The captain goes back and tells the woman that her assigned seat is in economy. Again the blonde replies “I’m young, blonde and beautiful and I’m going to sit here all the way to New York.”

The captain doesn’t want to cause a commotion, and so returns to the cockpit to discuss the blonde problem with the co-pilot. The co-pilot says that he has a blonde girlfriend and that he can take care of the problem. He then goes back and briefly whispers something in the blonde’s ear. She immediately gets up, says “thank you so much,” hugs the co-pilot and rushes back to her seat in the economy section.

The pilot and flight attendant, who were watching with rapt attention, together ask the co-pilot what he said to the woman. He replies “I just told her that the first class section isn’t going to New York.”

Get It Right

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During taxi, the crew of a US AIR departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate ground controller (a female) screamed, “US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on “Charlie” taxiway; you turned right on “Delta”. Stop right there! I know it’s difficult to tell the difference between C’s & D’s, but get it right!”

Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting hysterically. “You’ve screwed everything up; it’ll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don’t move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you. You got that, US Air 2771?”

The humbled crew responded, “Yes, Ma’am.” The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at LaGuardia was running high.

Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, “Wasn’t I married to you once?”

Feel Like A Woman

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In a transatlantic flight, a plane passes through a severe storm. The turbulence is awful, and things go from bad to worse when one wing is struck by lightning. One woman in particular loses it. Screaming, she stands up in the front of the plane. “I’m too young to die!” she wails. Then she yells, “Well, if I’m going to die, I want my last minutes on Earth to be memorable! I’ve had plenty of sex in my life, but no one has ever made me really feel like a woman! Well, I’ve had it! Is there ANYONE on this plane who can make me feel like a WOMAN??”

For a moment there is silence. Everyone has forgotten their own peril, and they all stare, riveted, at the desperate woman in the front of the plane.

Then, a man stands up in the rear of the plane. “I can make you feel like a woman,” he says. He’s gorgeous. Tall, built, with long, flowing black hair and jet black eyes, he starts to walk slowly up the aisle, unbuttoning his shirt one button at a time. No one moves.

The woman is breathing heavily in anticipation as the stranger approaches.

He removes his shirt. Muscles ripple across his chest as he reaches her, and extends the arm holding his shirt to the trembling woman, and whispers: “Here. Iron this.”