Academic Phrases Completed

The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper.

  • “It has long been known”…
    I didn’t look up the original reference.
  • “A definite trend is evident”…
    These data are practically meaningless.
  • “While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions”…An unsuccessful experiment but I still hope to get it published.
  • “Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study”…
    The other results didn’t make any sense.
  • “Typical results are shown”…
    This is the prettiest graph.
  • “These results will be in a subsequent report”…
    I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
  • “In my experience”…
    Once.
  • “In case after case”…
    Twice.
  • “In a series of cases”…
    Three times.
  • “It is believed that”…
    I think.
  • “It is generally believed that”…
    A couple of others think so, too.
  • “Correct within an order of magnitude”…
    Wrong.
  • “According to statistical analysis”…
    Rumor has it.
  • “A statistically-oriented projection of the significance of these findings”…
    A wild guess.
  • “A careful analysis of obtainable data”…
    Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of iced tea.
  • “It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs”…
    I don’t understand it.
  • “After additional study by my colleagues”…
    They don’t understand it either.
  • “Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions”…
    Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant.
  • “A highly significant area for exploratory study”…
    A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
  • “It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field”…
    I quit.

Cat Definitions

  • Aquarium: interactive television for cats.
  • Cat:
    1. a lapwarmer with a built-in buzzer.
    2. a four footed allergen.
    3. a small, four-legged, fur-bearing extortionist.
    4. a small, furry lap fungus.
    5. a treat-seeking missile.
    6. a wildlife control expert.
    7. one who sleeps in old, empty pizza boxes.
    8. a hair relocation expert.
    9. an unprogrammable animal.
  • Cataclysm: any great upheaval in a cat’s life.
  • Catatonic: a feline medicinal drink.
  • Caterpillar: a soft scratching post for a cat.
  • Cat Scan: to look for a new cat.
  • Dog: a cat’s device for running practice.
  • Door: something a cat always wants to be on the other side of.
  • Energy: the element of vitality cats always have an oversupply of until you try to play with them.
  • Human: an automatic door opener for cats.
  • Impurrsonate: to act like the cat.
  • Kitten: a small homicidal muffin on legs; affects human sensibilities to the
    point of endowing the most wanton and ruthless acts of destruction with near-mythical overtones of cuteness. Not recommended for beginners. Get at least two.
  • Purrade: an organized march of cats.
  • Purradise: the garden of Cats.
  • Purramour: a cat lover.
  • Purranoia: the fear that your cat is up to something.
  • Purraphernalia: a cat’s personal belongings.
  • Purrch: any favored feline napping spot.
  • Purrchase: anything bought for a cat.
  • Purrfume: the scent of an open can of tuna.
  • Purrgatory: a houseful of kittens.
  • Purrmission: a feline hunting expedition.
  • Purrpetual: everlasting feline love.
  • Purrplex: a house with two or more cats.
  • Purrson: a male kitten.
  • Purrsuit: the garment your shedding cat rubs against just as you are leaving home to go to an important meeting.
  • Purrverse: a poem about a wicked kitty.
  • Tooraloorailurophobia: an irrational fear of Irish cats.
  • Tuner: sonar-like device in cat food that causes cats to appear.
  • Yawn: a cat’s honest opinion openly expressed.