The proliferation of modern programming languages (all of which seem to have stolen countless features from one another) sometimes makes it difficult to remember what language you’re currently using. The same applies to Operating Systems.

This handy reference is offered as a public service to help programmers who find themselves in such a dilemma.

The Task: GO TO THE STORE

• MS-DOS 5.0
  You get in the car and try to remember where you put your keys.
• MS Dos 6.0
  You go to get in your car to go to the store but the car has been run over by a steam roller.
• Windows
  You get in the car and drive to the store very slowly, because attached to the back of the car is a freight train.
• Windows NT
  You get in the car and write a letter that says “go to the store.” Then you get out of the car and mail the letter to your dashboard.

Macintosh
You get in the car to go to the store, and the car drives you to church.

UNIX
You get in the car and type GREP STORE. After reaching speeds of 200 miles per hour en route, you arrive at the barber shop.

Taligent/Pink
You walk to the store with Ricardo Montalban, who tells you how wonderful it will be when he can fly you to the store in his Learjet.

OS/2
After fueling up with 6000 gallons of gas, you get in the car and drive to the store with a motorcycle escort and a marching band in procession. Halfway there, the car blows up, killing everybody in town.

S/36 SSP
You get in the car and drive to the store. Halfway there you run out of gas. While walking the rest of the way, you are run over by kids on mopeds.

AS/400
An attendant locks you into the car and then drives you to the store, where you get to watch everybody else buy filet mignons.