Computer Viruses

  • PBS Virus
    Your programs stop every few minutes to ask for money.
  • Elvis Virus
    Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy, then self-destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.
  • Ollie North Virus
    Causes your printer to become a paper shredder.
  • Nike Virus
    Just does it.
  • Sears Virus
    Your data won’t appear unless you buy new cables, power supply, and a set of shocks.
  • Jimmy Hoffa Virus
    Your programs can never be found again.
  • Kevorkian Virus
    Helps your computer shut down as an act of mercy.
  • Health Care Virus
    Tests your system for a day, finds nothing wrong, and sends you a bill for $4,500.
  • George Bush Virus
    It starts by boldly stating, “Read my docs… no new files!” on the screen. It proceeds to fill up all the free space on your hard drive with new files, then blames it on the Congressional virus.
  • Colin Powell Virus
    Makes its presence known, but doesn’t do anything. Secretly, you wish it would.
  • Bill Clinton Virus
    Corrupts your help files by fondling them, then denies anything has happened.
  • Hillary Clinton Virus
    Files disappear, only to reappear mysteriously a year later, in another directory.
  • Barack Obama Virus
    We are not sure where this one came from, but it spends every cent you and your entire state will ever earn for the next 10 generations on family vacations and then asks for time off.
  • O.J. Simpson Virus
    You know it’s guilty of trashing your system, but you just can’t prove it.
  • Bob Dole Virus
    Could be virulent, but it’s been around too long to be much of a threat.
  • Bobbitt Virus
    Removes a vital part of your hard disk then re-attaches it. (But that part will never work again.)
  • Oprah Winfrey Virus
    Your 200GB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200GB.
  • Paul Revere Virus
    This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack: Once, if by LAN; twice if by C:
  • Politically Correct Virus
    Never identifies itself as a “virus,” but instead refers to itself as an “electronic micro-organism”.
  • Arnold Schwarzeneggar Virus
    Terminates and stays resident. It’ll be back.
  • Dan Quayle Virus
    Their is sumthing rong with yor komputer, but ewe cant figyour outt watt!
  • Federal Bureaucrat Virus
    Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which does practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of your computer.
  • Texas Virus
    Makes sure that it’s bigger than any other file.
  • Adam and Eve Virus
    Takes a couple bytes out of your Apple.
  • Airline Luggage Virus
    You’re in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.
  • Freudian Virus
    Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own mother board.
  • Star Trek Virus
    Invades your system in places where no virus has gone before.