Law of Cat Inertia:
A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force, such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.
Law of Cat Motion:
A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.
Law of Cat Magnetism:
All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.
Law of Cat Thermodynamics:
Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.
Law of Cat Stretching:
A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.
Law of Cat Sleeping:
All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat.
Law of Cat Elongation:
A cat can make his body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.
Law of Cat Acceleration:
A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.
Law of Dinner Table Attendance:
Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served.
Law of Rug Configuration:
No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.
Law of Obedience Resistance:
A cat’s resistance varies in proportion to a human’s desire for him to do something.
First Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.
Second Law of Energy Conservation:
Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.
Law of Refrigerator Observation:
If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.
Law of Electric Blanket Attraction:
Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.
Law of Random Comfort Seeking:
A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.
Law of Bag / Box Occupancy:
All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond.
Law of Cat Embarrassment:
A cat’s irritation rises in direct proportion to his embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.
Law of Milk Consumption:
A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.
Law of Furniture Replacement:
A cat’s desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.
Law of Cat Landing:
A cat will always land in the softest place possible.
Law of Fluid Displacement:
A cat immersed in milk will displace his own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.
Law of Cat Disinterest:
A cat’s interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.
Law of Pill Rejection:
Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.
Law of Cat Composition:
A cat is composed of Matter + Antimatter + It Doesn’t Matter.