• You hear the number “82” and grab a shovel. (As in Blizzard of ’82)
• You merge onto the highway at 15 miles an hour.
• You have absolutely no recognizable accent.
• If the humidity gets above 25%, you consider it “Muggy”.
• You only go to Lodo when friends are in from out of town.
• You have been skiing less than 3 times in your life.
• You actually think 5-Points is a ghetto.
• You are the third car to run a red light after it has changed.
• You say things like “I don’t care how big Parker is, it’s still a one-horse town”.
• You think only stupid people get lost in this town.
• When giving directions, you never say “Turn left, turn right”, it’s always go West, then South.
• You know where the city ended when you were a kid, and would never move further out than that boundary.
• You hear “Governor Owens” and you still think they’re talking about some other state’s governor.
• There is not enough money in the world to get you to move to the Springs.
• During a thunderstorm you wonder “Which I-25 underpass is flooding”.
• You never plan a picnic between 3:30 and 6:00 in Spring or Summer months.
• If it rains more than 2 days straight you compare the weather to being in Seattle.
• Thornton, Northglenn and Westminster are “Another State”.
• You voted for higher taxes to fund Coors field, but voted down taxes for public transportation.
• You have a broken windshield.
• You see no reason to travel to Aurora.
• The only RTD bus you’ve been on is the 16th Street shuttle.
• Bear chases are televised for hours.
• The two major newspapers have the same owner, yet one insists on making its on rules regarding what to call the new stadium.
• The biggest event of the year is the Western Stock Show.

Terms:

• Big Mac = A sports venue, not a hamburger. (Now extinct)
• LoDo = A tourist trap with expensive condos, not an extinct bird.
• “Little California” = Highlands Ranch
• The Springs = Colorado Springs, where the religious freaks live.
• Independent Republic of Boulder = Where the rest of the freaks live.
• The Donkeys = The Broncos when they are losing.
• “Californicators” = Californians
• “Ass-Holes” = Texans
• “The Narrows” = I-25 between University and Broadway
• “Jolly Green Giant’s Golf Balls” = Buckley A.N.G.
• “tourists” = people driving on the 16th Street Mall.
• “Damn Rockies” = What one says looking for a parking spot Downtown.