The Ballad of the Bobbit Hillbillies

(Sung to the tune of the Beverly Hillbillies)

Come and listen to my story of a man named John
A poor ex-marine with a little fraction gone.
It seems one night right after gettin’ with his wife,
She lopped off his schlong with the swipe of a knife.
(Penis that is)
(Clean cut, missed his nuts)

Well the next thing you know there’s a Ginsu by his side,
And Lorena’s in the car takin’ Willie for a ride.
She soon got tired of her purple headed friend,
And tossed him out the window as she came around the bend.
(Curve that is)
(Pricker shrubs, wheel hubs)

She went to the cops and confessed to the attack,
And they called out the hounds just to get his weenie back. They
sniffed and they barked and they pointed “over there”, To John
Wayne’s Henry that was waving in the air.
(Found that is)
(By the fence, evidence)

Now Peter and John couldn’t stay apart too long,
So a dick dock said, “Hey, I can fix your dong!”
“A needle and a thread is all you’re gonna need.”
And the whole world waited ’till they heard that Johnny peed.
(Whizzed that is)
(Even seam, straight stream)

Well he healed and he hardened and he took his case to court, With
a cockeyed lawyer since his assets came up short.
They cleared her of assault and acquitted him of rape,
And his pecker was the only thing they didn’t show on tape.
(Video, that is)
(Unexposed, case closed)