I Was Petrified

(To the tune of Gloria Gaynor’s “I Will Survive”)

At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
By the ugly wanker that was lying by my side.
I would’ve drunk a little less, I would’ve tried to keep my head,
If I’d known for just one second I’d be in your crusty bed…

I tried to go, walk out the door.
But I laughed so hard at your small knob that I’ve fallen on the floor.
Your butts a pimply mess, it’s just a broken-out disgrace,
But I’d rather look at that, than at your fucken ugly face..!

I want to go, I’ve got to leave.
Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.
I only know I’ve got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer
Coz when I looked at you last night, you looked just like that Richard Gere!

I can’t believe, that we both shagged.
You should be wearing concrete shoes or simply bound and gagged.
I’m fucking off right now, I’m jumping on the flippin’ train and I’m not
stopping till I’m home and washed your greeblies down the drain.

Please let me go, I feel quite sick,
We had the worst sex in the world and you’re an ugly prick
I should have shagged your gorgeous mate, at least he’s got a lovely flat
But no I go and trust the booze and now I’m stuck with you, you twat.

It’s time to go, run out the door.
You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
I’m going to give up all the booze, I’m going to have no stupid fun
Coz waking up beside your mug, just makes me want to be a nun!