• I can hold my own. But I’d rather hold yours.
  • I love oral sex; it’s the phone bill I hate.
  • Who says nothing is impossible. I’ve been doing nothing for years.
  • The reason we can’t take it with us is because it goes before we do.
  • MONEY IS THE ROOT TO ALL EVIL — send $9.95 for more info
  • Jell-O is just Kool-Aid with a hard-on!
  • Do you know that if all the smokers were laid end to end around the world, three quarters of them would drown?
  • Synonym: A word you can use when you can’t spell the other one.