Fortune Cookies You’ll Never See

  • “Virgin like balloon … one prick, all gone.”
  • “Baseball wrong … man with four balls cannot walk!”
  • “Work to become, not to acquire.”
  • “A bird in hand makes hard to blow nose.”
  • “Ok for shit to happen … will decompose.”
  • “Secretary becomes permanent fixture when screwed on desk.”
  • “It takes many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.”
  • “Never raise hands to angry child, it leave groin exposed.”
  • “Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot is unsanitary.”
  • “Man who eat many prunes, sit on toilet many moons.”
  • “Man who drive like hell bound to get there!”
  • “Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!”
  • “War not determine who’s right, war determines who’s left.”
  • “Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets titbit.”
  • “Man who lay woman on ground, get piece on earth.”
  • “Passionate kiss like spider web — lead to undoing of fly.”
  • “Man with holes in pants pockets, feels cocky all day.”
  • “Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night”
  • “Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.”
  • “Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.”