Thoughts to Ponder

  • Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
  • Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra?
  • Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
  • How do I set my laser printer on stun?
  • How is it possible to have a civil war?
  • If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
  • If God dropped acid, would he see people?
  • If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
  • If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too?
  • If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?
  • If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
  • If you’re born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
  • If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
  • If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
  • Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
  • Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “asteroids”?
  • Why is it called tourist season if we can’t shoot at them?
  • Why is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
  • What happens when none of your bees wax?
  • Where are we going? And what’s with this handbasket?
  • If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of the stuff?
  • Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
  • If most car accidents occur within five miles of home, why doesn’t everyone just move 10 miles away?