How to be Handy Around the House

  • If you can’t find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it’s an improved screwdriver.
  • Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help.
  • Despite what you may have been told by your mother, praying and cursing are both helpful in home repair … but only if you are working alone.
  • Work in the kitchen whenever you can … many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator.
  • If it’s electronic, get a new one … or consult a twelve-year-old.
  • Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning it to the “on” switch; or just paint over it.
  • Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it.
  • Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help.
  • If something looks level, it is level.
  • If at first you don’t succeed, redefine success.
  • Above all, if what you’ve done is stupid, but it works, then it isn’t stupid.