What You Can Learn From Your Kids

  • There is no such thing as child-proofing your house.
  • If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.
  • A 4 years old’s voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.
  • If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing pound puppy underwear and a superman cape.
  • It is strong enough, however, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20 by 20 foot room.
  • When using the ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit.
  • A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.
  • The glass in windows (even double pane) doesn’t stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.
  • When you hear the toilet flush and the words ‘Uh-oh,’ it’s already too late.
  • A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock, even though a 36-year old man says they can only do it in the movies.
  • If you use a waterbed as home plate while wearing baseball shoes, it does not leak-it explodes.
  • A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq foot house 4 inches deep.
  • Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a four year old.
  • Duplos will not.
  • ‘Play Dough’ and ‘microwave’ should never be used in the same sentence.
  • SuperGlue is forever.
  • McGyver can teach us many things we don’t want to know.
  • Ditto Tarzan.
  • No matter how much Jello you put in a swimming pool, you still can’t walk on water.
  • Pool filters do not like Jello.
  • VCR’s do not eject PB&J sandwiches, even though TV commercials show they do.
  • Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.
  • Always look in the oven before you turn it on.
  • Plastic toys do not like ovens.
  • The fire department in San Diego has at least a 5 minute response time.
  • The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earth worms dizzy.
  • It will, however, make cats dizzy.
  • Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.
  • Quiet does not necessarily mean ‘don’t worry’.
  • A good sense of humor will get you through most problems in life (unfortunately, mostly in retrospect).