Here are some (supposedly) actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews:
- Problem: “Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.”
Solution: “Almost replaced left inside main tire.” - Problem: “Test flight OK, except autoland very rough.”
Solution: “Autoland not installed on this aircraft.” - Problem: “No. 2 Propeller seeping prop fluid.”
Solution: “No. 2 Propeller seepage normal.”
Solution: “No. 1, No. 3, and No. 4 Propellers lack normal seepage.” - Problem: “Something loose in cockpit.”
Solution: “Something tightened in cockpit.” - Problem: “Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear.”
Solution: “Evidence removed.” - Problem: “Dead bugs on windshield.”
Solution: “Live bugs on order.” - Problem: “Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent.”
Solution: “Cannot reproduce problem on ground.” - Problem: “IFF inoperative.”
Solution: “IFF inoperative in OFF mode.” - Problem: “Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.”
Solution: “That’s what they’re there for.” - Problem: “Number three engine missing.”
Solution: “Engine found on right wing after brief search.”