How to be Annoying During the Air Force Stationary Bike Test
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Wear a bike helmet to the test. Optional: Include knee and elbow pads.
Demand the tester wear a reflective road guard vest “for safety.”
Bring a bike horn and attach it. Each time the tester adjusts the tension, honk the horn loudly and yell, “Get the hell out of the way, you idiot!”
Bring a bike bell and attach it. Ring it once every 15 seconds – “Just to maintain your rhythm.”
Attach streamers to the hand grips.
Bring a playing card to the test. Demand that it be inserted in the spokes.
Pop a wheelie. Optional: Do an axle grind on the nearest table. Optional: Bunny hop the bike.
At the beginning of the test, peddle while standing. Tell the tester, “I’m going uphill now, you fool.”
Halfway through the test, stop peddling and lower your head between the handle bars and stick your butt in the air. Explain to the tester, “I’m coasting downhill and about to take the lead in the Tour De France!!!”
Signal all turns.
Make motorcycle sounds. Be sure to shift gears when the tester changes the tension.
Bring a sack of newspapers. Deliver them.
Periodically extend your legs and arms, yelling, “Look ma, no hands!”
Bring a friend to ride on the handle bars. Optional: Attach a kiddy seat to the back. Bring your kid.
Bring a bike lock. Be sure to secure the bike when you leave.