Better Living Year Round With Martha Stewart

  • January
    Save those empty toilet paper rolls! They’re perfect for drying and shaping your used condoms. Be sure they hold water before you re-use them.
  • February
    It’s that “time of month” again, and you can’t find the hot water bottle? Don’t forget about that meat baster in the kitchen drawer. You can also use it to “squeeze” your pancake batter into perfectly shaped pancakes.
  • March
    You got your shirt bloody in a St. Patrick’s day bar room brawl? Not to worry! Just dampen a cloth with some peroxide and wipe off the blood. Works best if you’ve removed the knife or broken beer bottle.
  • April
    Dying to peek inside that sealed envelope? Just tuck it into your undies for a few minutes. The warmth and dampness will loosen the glue. Be sure to reseal it before the glue hardens.
  • May
    Spring is here, and you can’t your gal “in the mood?” Spray that after-shave she likes on the light bulb. The bulb will light when she opens the truck door, and the manly scent will arouse her passions.
  • June
    Place fabric softener sheets in dresser drawers and your undies will smell fresh for weeks to come. You will still need to wash them now and then, especially in the warm weather.
  • July
    Flies or bees crashing your 4th of July picnic? Put the guest you least enjoy at the far end of the picnic table. Pour a little honey or molasses in his hair, then get back to your summer fun!
  • August
    To get rid of itch from mosquito bites, rub a bar of soap on the affected area. Take the soap out of the box or wrapper first.
  • September
    To determine if an egg is fresh, put it in a pan of cool, salty water. If it sinks, it is fresh. If it rises to the surface and squawks to be rescued, throw it away.
  • October
    Run your hands under cold water before pressing those Halloween Rice Krispies treats. The marshmallow won’t stick to your fingers. Works especially well if your hands have been in axle grease or motor oil.
  • November
    Planning a Thanksgiving family bash? Your dinner candles will burn a lot longer if placed in the freezer for 3 hours. Take them out of the freezer before you light them.
  • December
    When those door steps ice up in winter, douse them in the warm water and dishwashing liquid from your dishpan. They won’t re-freeze. Be sure to remove the dishes first.