- Your bedroom isn’t cluttered; it’s “passage-restrictive”.
- Kids don’t get in trouble anymore. They merely hit “social speed bumps”.
- You’re not having a bad hair day; you’re suffering from “rebellious follicle syndrome”.
- No one’s tall anymore. They’re “vertically enhanced”.
- You’re not shy. You’re “conversationally selective”.
- You don’t talk a lot. You’re just “abundantly verbal”.
- It’s not called gossip anymore. It’s “transmission of near-factual information”.
- The food at the school cafeteria isn’t awful. It’s “digestively challenged”.
- Your homework isn’t missing; it’s just having an “out-of-notebook experience”
- You’re not sleeping in class; you’re “rationing consciousness”
- You don’t have smelly gym socks; you have “odor-retentive athletic footwear”.
- You weren’t passing notes in class. You were “participating in the discreet exchange of penned meditations”.
- You’re not being sent to the principal’s office. You’re “going on a mandatory field trip to the administrative building”.
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