Father’s Lexicon

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• Don’t ask me, ask your mother.
• Close that door!
• Were you raised in a barn?
• You didn’t beat me. I let you win.
• Big boys don’t cry.
• Don’t worry. It’s only blood.
• Don’t you know any normal boys?
• Now you listen to ME, Buster!
• I’ll play catch after I read the paper.
• Coffee will stunt your growth.
• A little dirt never hurt anyone, just wipe it off..
• Get your elbows off the table!
• I told you, keep your eye on the ball.
• Who said life was supposed to be fair?
• Always say please and thank you. That way, you get more.
• If you forget, you’ll be grounded till the end of the world.
• You call that a haircut??
• “Hey” is for horses.
• This will hurt me a lot more than it hurts you.
• Turn off those lights.
• Do you think I am made of money?
• Don’t give me any of your lip, young lady!
• You call that noise “music?”
• We’re not lost. I’m just not sure where we are.
• No, we’re not there yet.
• Shake it off. It’s only pain.
• When I was your age, I treated MY father with respect.
• As long as you live under my roof, you’ll live by my rules.
• I’ll tell you why. Because I said so. That’s why!
• Do what I say, not what I do.
• Sit up straight, knucklehead!
• So you think you’re smart, do you?
• What’s so funny? Wipe that smile off your face.
• Young ladies do not sweat; they perspire.
• If I’ve told you once, I’ve told you a thousand times.
• C’mon, you throw like a girl.
• You want something to do? I’ll give you something to do.
• You should visit more often. Your mother worries.
• This is your last warning!
• If you shake it more than three times, you’re playing with it.
• What are your intentions with my daughter?
• I’d better get a good report, or you better head to Mexico.
• I’m not sleeping, I was watching that channel.
• What keeps those jeans of yours from falling off?
• I’m not just talking to hear my own voice!
• Don’t believe anything you hear and only half of what you see.
• What do you think I am, a bank?
• What part of NO don’t you understand?
• I don’t care what other people are doing! I’m not everybody else’s Father!
• You’re not leaving my house dressed like that! What will other parents think?
• Could those sleeves be any longer? You look like a bag lady!
• Headache remedy: Put your head through the window, and the pain will be gone.
• Worrying about things you can’t change is like a rocking chair…
• it gives you something to do, but it doesn’t get you anywhere.
• I feel for you, but I can’t reach you from here.
• If you’re gonna be dumb, you’ve gotta be tough.
• Didn’t your teacher learn you anything?!
• You can marry a rich guy just as easily as you can a poor guy.
• It’s hard to be good, and easy to be bad.
• If you’re going to steal a car, at least make it a Cadillac (but don’t call me asking for bail.)
• Don’t tell on anybody unless you tell on yourself first.
• Hey, did you hear me talking to you?
• You know you’re always gonna be Daddy’s little girl.
• I’m not watching television. I’m resting my eyes.
• Don’t use that tone with me!
• Am I talking to a brick wall?
• If I catch you doing that one more time, I’ll..
• Act your age.
• Two wrongs do not make a right.
• Wipe your feet!
• Enough is enough!
• Don’t make me stop the car!
• What did I just get finished telling you?