Things You’ll Never Hear a Dad Say

  • Well, how ’bout that?… I’m lost! Looks like we’ll have to stop and ask for directions.
  • You know Pumpkin, now that you’re thirteen, you’ll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won’t that be fun?
  • I noticed that all your friends have a certain “up yours” attitude … I like that.
  • Here’s a credit card and the keys to my new car — GO CRAZY.
  • What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
  • Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend … you might want to consider throwing a party.
  • Well, I don’t know what’s wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies — you know — that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
  • No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring — now quit your belly-aching, and let’s go to the mall.
  • Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
  • Father’s Day? aahh — don’t worry about that — it’s no big deal.