The Biggest Lies

  • The check is in the mail.
  • I’ll respect you in the morning.
  • I’m from your government, and I am here to help you.
  • It’s only a cold sore.
  • You get this one, I’ll pay next time.
  • My wife doesn’t understand me.
  • Trust me, I’ll take care of everything.
  • Of course I love you.
  • I am getting a divorce.
  • Drinking? Why, no, Officer.
  • I never inhaled.
  • It’s not the money, it’s the principle of the thing.
  • I never watch television except for PBS.
  • …but we can still be good friends.
  • She means nothing to me.
  • Don’t worry, I can go another 20 miles when the gauge is on “empty.”
  • I gave at the office.
  • Don’t worry, he’s never bitten anyone.
  • I’ll call you later.
  • We’ll release the upgrade by the end of the year.
  • Read my lips: no new taxes
  • I’ve never done anything like this before
  • Now, I’m going to tell you the truth
  • It’s supposed to make that noise.
  • I *love* your new <hat/haircut/dress/suit…>!
  • …then take a left. You can’t miss it.
  • Yes, I did.
  • Don’t worry, it’s OK — I’m sterile…
  • Just take a left after the lights — you can’t miss it.
  • I am married, but we’re getting a divorce.
  • Just ignore him — he’s never bitten anyone.
  • Nothing would please me more.