Signs You’ve Invested in a Bad Internet Company

  • CEO stops by to use your computer because his electricity’s been turned off again.
  • Company made solely up of former AARP executives.
  • Merrill Lynch just downgraded the stock from “Sell” to “Tax Write-Off.”
  • Your profits? 404 — Not Found
  • Prospectus states: “YOU MIGHT ALREADY BE A STOCKHOLDER!”
  • Their big idea: eHaircuts
  • Their Lead Programmer is reasonably attractive & has 20/20 vision.
  • IPO consists of 12 shares and a free CD and is underwritten by MC Hammer.
  • At shareholder meeting you’re asked to wear a mouse pad as a name tag.
  • In “Pirates of Silicon Valley”, company CEO was played by that “Ernest” guy.
  • Their price-to-earnings ratio is higher than Marion Barry in a DEA evidence room.
  • Good: Team of young, enthusiastic go-getters;
    Bad: IPO’s financial goal was $57.45 to “repay Tommy’s mom.”