- Rule: all customers must wear pants while online.
- All email automatically cc’d to your ex-wife.
- Free ant farm (stocked!) with sign-up.
- Extra charge incurred for denying offers for AOL credit card.
- Instant Messages now read out loud to you in your choice of voice: Gilbert Gottfried or Phyllis Diller.
- New feature: all junk email automatically sent to your printer!
- Special rates for bulk mailers!
- Genetic gender verification now required in chat rooms.
- Steve Case will visit your house and personally apologize for busy signals.
- Special bonus! Free dentistry with the premium access plan.
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