- 640K barrier — the finish line in a mega-marathon
- access time — foreplay
- analog — what Ana tosses into the fire
- assembly language — put tab A into slot B, then put tab C…
- audit trail — what the IRS does
- Bandwidth — limited by the size of the stage
- BBS — going in reverse in a golf cart
- benchmark — t-telling t-tall s-stories
- Battery Backup — what happens when your saw hits the bench
- broadband — an all female rock group
- cache memory — remembering how much you spent
- carrier detect — “I see the mail man!”
- CASE — 24 bottles
- Control Character — prison guard
- conventional memory — remembering what you did at COMDEX
- copy protection — wearing a rubber
- copyright — vs. copy wrong
- cursor — a garbage mouth
- daisy chain — a dog’s leash
- DAT — the opposite of DIS
- deadly embrace — making love to King Kong
- delimiter — some who says, “Stop, that’s enough”
- density — how to measure IQs of blondes
- dhrystones — the stones that were tossed out of the water
- DIP switch — how my sister gets a new boy friend
- dot pitch — “Dorothy winds ups, and delivers a knuckle ball”
- EDCDIC — similar to herpes
- EMS — happens just before PMS
- end user — a prisoner’s cell mate
- escape sequence — Distract guard. Dig tunnel. Cut through fence…
- Ethernet — used to catch Ether
- fixed disk — a broken disk that comes back from the shop
- flash EPROM — what they have on 90210 (Flashy Proms)
- flat bed scanner — a hooker looking for loose change
- flat file — a file with all the air out of it
- full duplex — a 2-family house with 16 occupants
- groupware — clothes swapping
- hacker — a heavy smoker
- half-height drive — a midget’s sexual capacity
- hand scanner — singles bar prowler looking for wedding rings
- heap — what I drive
- high density diskette — a very stupid floppy
- home computer — what you tell your computer when it follows you
- hypertext — text on amphetamines
- ink jet — a plan used for sky writing
- integrated circuit —
a circuit with black & white components
- joystick — (requires little explanation)
- local bus — stops at every intersection
- lost chains — euphoria experienced by the recently divorced
- low-level language — for basement programmers
- high-level language — for penthouse programmers
- machine dependency — an affliction of machine users
- mag tape — tape used on the wheels of cars
- mainframe — akin to “main squeeze”
- main memory — remembering where the water line is
- math coprocessor — the person you cheated from in math class
- megaflop — the worst play you ever saw
- minicomputer — the mate to Mickey’s computer
- modem — what the gardener did to the lawns
- multi-sync — can be sunk more than once
- native mode — head hunting
- on-line — where the birds sit
- overlay — chickens making too many eggs
- pentium — the thing that swings back-and-forth on a clock
- plotter — a deceitful person
- postscript — grafitti on a pole
- protected memory — remembering to wear a condom
- record locking — what you do to your Beatles White Album
- right justified — vs. wrong justified
- software piracy — stealing a ship’s program
- spreadsheet — a hooker’s foreplay
- streaming tape — party decorations
- subroutine — not quite routine
- surge protector — a condom
- token ring — a group of people passing the bong
- trackball — what sprinters and runners often get
- twisted pair — tubes tied
- word wrap — black music
- worksheet — a prostitute’s office
- Ymodem — because, modem
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