On Men

  • Why are men such jerks?
    It’s a testosterone thing. Much similar to your PMS thing, we men suffer from testosterone poisoning. Why do you think the average life span of a male is typically 10 years shorter? Hormone modifies behavior. We’re just misunderstood.
  • Why do men always have to ogle at other women?
    Again, this is a testosterone thing. Do you honestly think that all the testosterone just fell out of our bodies the moment we met you? Besides, women do it as well. Women are just much better at not getting caught.
  • Why do men always touch themselves, especially in public?
    We occasionally need to adjust our little friend and make him happy. It’s much like adjusting your bra. Being in public is just an added bonus.
  • Why do men always say such stupid things?
    We like to. It’s actually a whole lot of fun to see our partner frustrated by a few simple (and well chosen) words.
  • Why are men so uncommunicative?
    You’d learn to keep your big mouth shut too if every time you open it you get into trouble with your partner.
  • Why can’t men just share their feelings?
    Do we look like women to you? Why is it so hard to understand that men and women are different? How are we supposed to share how we feel when we have no idea how we feel? Personally, I get a headache whenever I try to figure out how I feel.
  • Why can’t men cuddle more?
    Please… How many hours do you think there is in a day?…. Now sitting on our asses for hours on end on the other hand is a whole other story.
  • How can men sit on their asses all day without moving?
    Men have very powerful sets of sitting muscles developed by evolution that enable us to sit for extended periods of time without getting tired. In prehistoric times, it was often necessary to sit in one spot for extended periods of time while hunting for prey. The fidgety types were all gobbled up by saber toothed tigers etc.
  • Why can’t men just say, “I love you”?
    Men are taught from a tender young age to be self-sufficient. To say that we love you is equivalent to saying that we need you. Most men consider that a character fault. It’s not easy to admit to one’s own character faults.
  • Why won’t men ever pick up after themselves?
    Why should we? It doesn’t really bother us that much. Besides, we know darn well you’ll pick it up.
  • What’s with all the belching and farting?
    This usually only occurs after months of courting. It’s our way to let you know that we’re comfortable with you. Believe it or not, it’s actually a sign of affection. Besides, holding it for extended periods of time gives us stomach cramps.