- Hot Flashes
You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.
- Night Sweats
The person you sleep with complains about snow piling up on the bed.
- Mood Swings
Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just saying you are not amused, you shoot him.
- Memory Loss
You write post-it notes with your kid’s names on them.
Your husband chirps, “Hi honey, I’m home,” and your reply is, “Well, if it isn’t Ozzie f**king Nelson.”
The phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult gives you four hours of decent rest.
You find Guacamole in your hair after a Mexican dinner.
- Mild Incontinence
You change your underwear after every sneeze.
- Sudden Weight Gain
You need the ‘Jaws Of Life’ to help you out of your car after returning home from an Italian restaurant.
You ask Jiffy Lube to put you up on a hoist.
- Female Hormone Deficiency
You take a sudden interest in”Wrestlemania”.
- Hormone Therapy
You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on a field trip to Chippendales.
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