- After you request sex she replies, “Wait ’til the Nyquil kicks in.”
- Gets very upset when the ashtray falls off your ass.
- Actually answers when you ask “Who’s your daddy?”
- Last time she screamed during sex was the first time she won at solitaire.
- Only moans during commercial breaks.
- Starts her fake orgasms during foreplay.
- Keeps trying to set you up with her friends.
- Runs for vacant Senate seat in New York.
- You are currently sitting backstage at the Springer show.
- Beginning to think she is only “playing” dead.
- During the act, she actually yelled out, “Oh, Baby, Yadda, Yadda, Yadda.”
- Has suddenly started making you pay in advance.
- Her moans of delight discovered to actually be a .wav file.
- Instead of asking to leave her shirt on, she wants to leave her pants on too.
- Keeps asking “Are you SURE you’re not gay?”
- Boredom? So that’s why she keeps deflating!!
- Holds up a picture of the Playboy centerfold to hurry you along.
- Asks to be on top so she can balance her checkbook better.
- She yells out her own name.
- Bangs her head on the headboard BEFORE you begin.
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