New Slogans for Fast Food Restaurants

  • Burger King — Fiber’s for weenies!
  • Taco Bell — Feeding potheads with the munchies for $1.50 for 30 years.
  • KFC — We’re NOT a rap group, dammit!
  • Popeye’s — Buy your chicken from a *real* cartoon character, not an animated dead guy.
  • McDonald’s — Did somebody say McBypass?
  • McDonald’s — New cooler coffee!
  • Domino’s — If you’re too wasted to drive, we’ll bring your food to you!
  • Der Wienerschnitzel — Now with 15% less pig rectum.
  • KFC — Hey, don’t give your money to those racist bastards at Denny’s!
  • Starbucks — Now with 0.9% financing on the new Quad Macchiato
  • Taco Bell — Yo tengo flatulence.
  • Wendy’s — If Dave doesn’t give a rat’s ass about his cholesterol, why should you?
  • Taco Bell — Working around the clock to invent new ways to combine the same 5 ingredients.
  • KFC — It’s KFCN’ awesome!

Welcome to McDonald’s

Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald’s. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time. His first customer ordered a milkshake. “Ted,” his manager said, “remember to say, ‘Welcome to McDonald’s’ to each customer before they order.”

His second customer ordered a cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, “Remember to ask each customer if they want fries with their order.”

At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. “Give me all the money you got in that register kid!”

Ted took one look at his manager, thought to himself, and quickly said, “Would you like that for here or to go?”