Tag Archives: criminal

What’s in the Bags?

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A fellow tries to cross the Mexican border on a bicycle with two big bags balanced on his shoulders. The guard asks, “What’s in the bags?”

The fellow says, “SAND!”

The guard wants to examine them. The fellow gets off the bike, places the bags on the ground, opens them up, and the guard inspects only to find sand. The fellow packs the sand, places the bags on his shoulders, and pedals the bike across the border. Two weeks later, the same situation is repeated.

“What have you got there?”

“Sand.”

“Let me see it.”

Same results… Nothing but sand and the fellow is on his way again. Every two weeks for six months the inspections continue.

Finally, one week the fellow didn’t show up. However, the guard sees him downtown and says to the fellow, “Buddy, you had us crazy. We sort of knew you were smuggling something. I won’t say anything… What were you smuggling?”

The fellow replies, “Bicycles.”

Night Shift Thefts

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A man got a job as a night watchman at a factory. There had been a lot of thefts by the workers on the night shift, and so every morning when the night shift workers passed through his gate it was his job to check their bags and pockets to make sure that nothing was being stolen.

Things were going along very well the first night on the job until a man pushing a wheelbarrow of newspaper came through his gate. Aha, he thought, that man thinks he can cover up what he is stealing with that newspaper. So he removed the paper only to find nothing. Still he felt that the man was acting strangely, so he questioned him about the paper.

“I get a little extra money from newspapers I recycle, so I go into the lunchroom and pick up all the ones people have thrown away.” The guard let him pass, but decided to keep a close eye on him. The next night it was the same, and the night after that. Week after week it went on. The same guy would push the wheelbarrow of newspapers past the guard’s checkpoint. The guard would always check and find nothing.

Then one night, about a year later, the guard reported for work only to find a message had been left for him telling him to report to his supervisor. He walked into the supervisor’s office and before he could say a word, the boss said, “You’re fired!”

“Fired?” he asked in total surprise. “Why? What did I do?”

“It was your job to make sure that no one stole anything from this plant and you have failed. So you’re fired.”

“Wait a minute, what do you mean failed. Nobody ever stole anything from this place while I was on guard.”

“Oh, really,” the boss answered. “Then how do you account for the fact that there are over 250 wheelbarrows missing?”

Welcome to McDonald’s

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Ted just finished his training session at the local McDonald’s. So he was a little nervous being behind the register for the first time. His first customer ordered a milkshake. “Ted,” his manager said, “remember to say, ‘Welcome to McDonald’s’ to each customer before they order.”

His second customer ordered a cheeseburger. This time, the manager approached Ted again, and said, “Remember to ask each customer if they want fries with their order.”

At this point a man came in wearing a ski mask, approached Ted at the register and pointed a gun in his face. “Give me all the money you got in that register kid!”

Ted took one look at his manager, thought to himself, and quickly said, “Would you like that for here or to go?”