Insider’s Guide to the Male Vocabulary

  • “Haven’t I seen you before?”
    “Nice butt.”
  • “I’m a Romantic.”
    “I’m poor.”
  • “I need you.”
    “My hand is tired.”
  • “I am different from all the other guys.”
    “I am not circumcised.”
  • “I want a commitment.”
    “I’m sick of playing with myself.”
  • “You’re the only girl I’ve ever cared about.”
    “You are the only girl who hasn’t rejected me.”
  • “I really want to get to know you better.”
    “So I can tell my friends about it.”
  • “It’s just orange juice, try it.”
    “3 more shots, and she’ll have her legs around my head.”
  • “She’s kinda cute.”
    “I wouldn’t kick her out of bed but a pillow over the head might be necessary.”
  • “I don’t know if I like her.”
    “She won’t sleep with me.”
  • “I miss you so much.”
    “I am so horny that my male roommate is starting to look good.”
  • “Was it good for you?”
    “I’m insecure about my manhood.”
  • “How do I compare with all your other boyfriends?”
    “Is my love tool really that small?”
  • “I had a wonderful time last night.”
    “Who the hell are you?”
  • “Do you love me?”
    “I’ve done something stupid and you might find out.”
  • “Do you ‘really’ love me?”
    “I’ve done something stupid and you’re going to find out sooner or later.”
  • “How much do you love me?”
    “I’ve done something really stupid and someone’s on their way to tell you by now.”
  • “I have something to tell you.”
    Get tested.”
  • “I’ll give you a call.”
    “I’d rather have my nipples torn off by wild dogs than see you again.”
  • “I’ve been thinking a lot.”
    “You’re not as attractive as when I was drunk.”
  • “I think we should just be friends.”
    “You’re ugly.”
  • “I’ve learned a lot from you.”
    “Next!!!!”