Rindercilla: A Tairy Fale

Once uton a pime in a corn funtry there lived a geautiful birl and her name was Rindercella. Now Rindercella lived with her two sad blisters and her mugly other. Also in this corn funtry there liv inviting all the geautiful birls from riles amound. But Rindercella gouldn’t co. She had to make dancy fesses for her two sad blisters and her mugly other.

While they all went off to the bancy fall, Rindercella just cat down and shried. She was just citting there a shrying when there appeared before her – her jerry mud father! “Rindercella,” she asked, “Shry do you why?” Rindercella mold her jerry mud father
of her werrible tork.

Just then her jerry mud father made Rindercella a geautiful bown and took two mield fice and a tumpkin and purned them into two stighty malions and cig boach! Off to the bancy fall went Rindercella, with the warning that she must go home before the mid clock struck night.

As Rindercella entered the bancy fall the pransome hince saw her through a widden hindow and thought she gas worgeous! They danced and danced and soon they lell in fove. Suddenly, the mid clock struck night and fearing her cig boach would purn into a tumpkin,
Rindercella staced down the rairs. But as she beached the rottom, she slopped her dripper.

Well the nery vext day the pransome hince searched the corn funtry for the geautiful birl who had slopped her dripper. He tried it on Rindercella’s mugly other, but if fidn’t dit. He tried it on her sad blisters… Then, the dripper fit only Rindercella at last.

Now the storal of the mory: If you ever go to a bancy fall to meet a pransome hince with the hopes of lalling in fove, don’t forget to slop your dripper!

Classified Ads

The following were actually taken from classified ads in newspapers:

  • free yorkshire terrier. 8 years old. Hateful little dog.
  • free puppies:
    1/2 cocker spaniel
    1/2 sneaky neighbor’s dog
  • free puppies…part german shepherd part stupid dog
  • German shepherd 85 lbs.
    Neutered. Speaks German. Free.
  • found: dirty white dog.
    Looks like a rat…
    Been out awhile..
    Better be reward.
  • 1 man, 7 woman hot tub — $850/offer
  • Amana washer $100.
    Owned by clean bachelor who seldom washed.
  • snow blower for sale…
    Only used on snowy days.
  • 2 wire mesh butchering gloves:
    1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, pair: $15
  • tickle me elmo, still in box,
    comes with its own 1988 mustang,
    5l, auto, excellent condition $6800
  • cows, calves never bred…
    Also 1 gay bull for sale.
  • 83 toyota hunchback — $2000
  • star wars job of the hut — $15
  • soft & genital bath tissues or
    facial tissue 89 cents
  • full sized mattress.
    20 yr. Warranty.
    Like new. Slight urine smell.
  • free 1 can of pork & beans with
    purchase of 3 br 2 bath home.
  • for sale:
    lee majors (6 million dollar man) – $50
  • nordic track $300
    hardly used, call chubby
  • bill’s septic cleaning
    “we haul American made products”
  • shakespeare’s pizza – free chopsticks
  • hummels – largest selection ever
    “if it’s in stock, we have it!”
  • get a little john:
    the traveling urinal
    holds 2 1/2 bottles of beer.
  • harrisburg postal employees
    gun club
  • georgia peaches
    california grown
    89 cents lb.
  • nice parachute:
    never opened – used once
    slightly stained
  • free: farm kittens. Ready to eat.
  • american flag
    60 stars – pole included
    $100
  • tired of working for only $9.75
    per hour? We offer profit
    sharing and flexible hours.
    Starting pay: $7 – $9 per hour.
  • exercise equipment:
    queen size mattress and box springs
    $175.
  • our sofa seats the whole mob and it’s made of 100% italian leather.
  • joining nudist colony!
    Must sell washer and dryer
    $300.
  • lawyer says client is not that guilty.
  • alzheimer’s center prepares for an affair to remember
  • gas cloud clears out taco bell.
  • open housebody shapers toning salon
    free coffee and donuts
  • fully cooked boneless
    smoked man
    $2.09 lb

Computerized Newsletter

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