Tag Archives: toy

Happy Fun Ball

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Only $14.95

Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Happy Fun Ball.

Caution: Happy Fun Ball may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.

Happy Fun Ball Contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled, or looked at.

Do not use Happy Fun Ball on concrete.

Discontinue use of Happy Fun Ball if any of the following occurs:

  • Itching
  • Vertigo
  • Dizziness
  • Tingling in extremities
  • Loss of balance or coordination
  • Slurred speech
  • Temporary Blindness
  • Profuse sweating
  • Heart Palpitations

If Happy Fun Ball begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Happy Fun Ball may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Happy Fun Ball should be returned to its special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the makers of Happy Fun Ball, Wacky Products Incorporated, and its parent company Global Chemical Unlimited, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Happy Fun Ball include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Happy Fun Ball has been shipped to our troops in Saudi Arabia and is also being dropped by our warplanes on Iraq.

Do not taunt Happy Fun Ball.

Happy Fun Ball comes with a lifetime guarantee.

Happy Fun Ball – ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!

Toy Disclaimers

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  • No beanies or babies harmed in the manufacture of this product.
  • Warning: This fad will disappear in 6 weeks.
  • Caution: Care Bears do not actually care very much.
  • Warning: This toy produces substantially less childish glee in real life than it does in the TV commercial.
  • Some dismemberment may occur.
  • Do not purchase this toy at all. Put it back on the shelf! NOW!! Just walk away, timid little man.
  • Failure to fall immediately to your knees in gratitude and eternally thank parents for shelling out $400 and waiting in line behind a smelly woman from Jersey City for two hours to *get* your Sega Dreamcast — especially when you’ve already got a Playstation and a box full of games that are now headed for the next garage sale — may result in bodily injury.
  • Do not stare at product. Hey! You’re doing it now! Cut that out!!
  • In case of breakage, scream until dad buys a replacement.
  • Not to be taken internally, literally or seriously.
  • Use as an actual terrorist device not recommended.
  • Do not attempt to combine your Ultra Mega Warrior with your cat to make Ultra Mega Cat Warrior.
  • NOTE: The makers of “Queen Amidala’s Naboo Dream Palace” assume no responsibility for the quality of the movie which spawned it.
  • Some assimilation required. Resistance is futile.