- The city does not employ so-called “wallet inspectors.”
- Remember: regular hot dogs do not have fingernails.
- Yelling at cabdrivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
- John Gotti always has the right of way.
- Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
- Don’t lick food from a stranger’s beard.
- It’s bad manners to lie down inside someone else’s chalk body outline.
- Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
- If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
- If it doesn’t smell like chili, it probably isn’t.
To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:
- Day 1: The “10 Deadliest Snakes” Fall Tour
You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world’s 10 most deadly snakes.
- Day 2: The “Great White Encounter”
You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
- Day 3: The Aboriginal “Festival of Spears”
You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
- Day 4: The “Crocodile Dundee” Petting Zoo
You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.
- Day 5: “Those Marvelous Morays”
This tour will once again return you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.
We hope you will enjoy your trip!
Your loyal employees.