New York City Traveler’s Tips

  • The city does not employ so-called “wallet inspectors.”
  • Remember: regular hot dogs do not have fingernails.
  • Yelling at cabdrivers in English wastes your time and theirs.
  • John Gotti always has the right of way.
  • Avoid paperwork for your next of kin by keeping dental records on you.
  • Don’t lick food from a stranger’s beard.
  • It’s bad manners to lie down inside someone else’s chalk body outline.
  • Cabs driving on the sidewalk are not permitted to pick up passengers.
  • If you catch an exploding manhole cover, you can keep it.
  • If it doesn’t smell like chili, it probably isn’t.

The Boss’ Itinerary

To ensure that you have a good time on your trip to Australia, your team members have planned and developed a special itinerary to fill the time during your leisure hours. Agenda follows:

  • Day 1: The “10 Deadliest Snakes” Fall Tour
    You and a guest will be escorted through the outback and provided with the opportunity to handle and examine each of the world’s 10 most deadly snakes.
  • Day 2: The “Great White Encounter”
    You and your tour guide will take a small boat to the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be able to dive into the chum-laden water and experience the beauty of the Great White shark.
  • Day 3: The Aboriginal “Festival of Spears”
    You will be the honored guest of a small aboriginal village as they celebrate the subjugation of the aboriginal race by the white man, with free liquor and a special weapons exhibition.
  • Day 4: The “Crocodile Dundee” Petting Zoo
    You will be able to come up-close and personal with the occasionally harmless salt-water crocodiles of the Australian coast. Lucky audience members are asked to participate in a croc wrestling exhibition.
  • Day 5: “Those Marvelous Morays”
    This tour will once again return you to the beauty of the Great Barrier Reef, where you will be allowed to hand feed special finger-shaped sausages to the wild eels of Stubby Hand Reef.

We hope you will enjoy your trip!

Your loyal employees.