- “Hell, no, I didn’t win these. I bought ’em on E-Bay from some guy named Spitzer72.”
- “The Australian team has formed a large dingo on the field… and it’s eating the New Zealand delegation!”
- “Never date an Australian. If you throw them out, they come right back to you.”
- “I’m sorry, Sir. If I promise to never say ‘throw another shrimp on the barbie’ again, would you kindly remove your boomerang from my rectum?”
- “You’d think Brandi Chastain would have at least waited until the torch was lit before ripping her shirt off.”
- “Hey, you with the mustache — get out of the women’s showers! Oh… sorry, Miss Ling.”
- “I don’t care if you are in the NBA, everyone pays for their marijuana in this country, mate.”
- “Suzy, we don’t have to synchronize everything. Can’t I just have 5 minutes in the bathroom by myself?”
- “The tribe has spoken. Please snuff out your Olympic flame and leave immediately.”
- “CRIKEY! This javelin being thrown at me is a REAL BEAUT! One false move and I’m impaled and done for!!”
- “I think somebody should tell the USA shooters that they only need to fire at each target *once*.”
- “Hey — who’s the smartass throwing shrimp on the Olympic flame?”
- “I’m not sure it’s wise to carry an open flame around 100,000 Vegemite eaters.”
- “No, ladies, we do *not* need any volunteers to help towel off the swimmer with the size 17 feet.”
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