Spice Girls Application

  • Name:
    Real Age:
  • How would you best describe yourself?
    ( ) An energetic self-starter
    ( ) A team player
    ( ) A tasty, albeit untalented, bit of crumpet
  • Do you have any detectable vestige of talent, besides your tits?
    ( ) Talent? Wha’s that?
    ( ) You will just have to see for yourself you cheeky monkey!
  • Would it bother you to be the target of unrelenting hatred?
    ( ) No
    ( ) What’s unrelenting mean?
  • “I am willing to trade sexual favours for a career in the music industry.”
    ( ) Yes! Yes! Yes!
    ( ) How many favours do I need to perform? At the same time?
    ( ) What are we waiting for?
  • How many times have you been kicked out of a karaoke bar?
    ( ) All the time
    ( ) They’re just jealous!
    ( ) I’m too good to just sing at karaoke bars!
  • Does nudity bother you? If so, give three excuses for your portfolio.
    ( ) Of course not! I love showing off my hot body!
  • Explain the difficulties in identifying the source of individual free will in light of the deterministic theories of neurochemical medicine and modern behavioralist psychology. Just kidding!! Seriously, do you like leather mini-skirts?
    ( ) But of course!
  • Are you deceptively attractive in colored or stroboscopic light?
    ( ) Yes
    ( ) Absolutely!
  • Choose an appropriate nickname: (Circle your choice)
    Sexy, Nasty, Sweetie, Syphilis, Lardy, Sickly, Sporty, Slappy, Posher
  • Choose an appropriate image:
    ( ) Cute, blonde, appeals to pedophiles
    ( ) Tub of lard
    ( ) Bloke. In a tracksuit.
    ( ) Vacant stare, no discernible brain activity
    ( ) Terrifying to small children and old men
    ( ) All of the above
  • Do you promise to make one album and then go away forever?
    ( ) Yes
  • If two trains leave Liverpool an hour apart at 90 kilometers, and 75 kilometers an hour, respectively, how would you look in a bikini? Be prepared to show your answer.
  • If required as part of your contract, would you be willing to help alleviate Prince Charles’s loneliness?
    ( ) Yes
    ( ) Do I have to?
  • In space provided, tell us what you want, what you really, really want