New Cigarette Ads

  • Warning: cigarettes give you a raspy voice that makes you sound as cool as you look.”
  • [Cough] [hack hack] [cough] [thpt] Smooooth.”
  • “Don’t worry; you have an extra lung.”
  • “All of a sudden, your wife nagging you about smoking isn’t nearly as annoying, is it?”
  • “…That was the sound of a 65-year-old smoker hocking up a lung oyster at three in the morning.”
  • “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a carrot stick?”
  • “Betcha can’t smoke just one.”
  • “I have less tar and nicotine than the leading brands, you big pansy.”
  • “Buy another pack. Tobacco settlements don’t pay themselves, you know.”
  • “The Marlboro Man has determined that the Surgeon General is a pussy.”
  • “Each cigarette shortens your life by three minutes, so smoke faster.”
  • “You have smoked… THREE… packs today. At this rate you will develop emphysema in… FIVE… years.”