- Warning: cigarettes give you a raspy voice that makes you sound as cool as you look.”
- [Cough] [hack hack] [cough] [thpt] Smooooth.”
- “Don’t worry; you have an extra lung.”
- “All of a sudden, your wife nagging you about smoking isn’t nearly as annoying, is it?”
- “…That was the sound of a 65-year-old smoker hocking up a lung oyster at three in the morning.”
- “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have a carrot stick?”
- “Betcha can’t smoke just one.”
- “I have less tar and nicotine than the leading brands, you big pansy.”
- “Buy another pack. Tobacco settlements don’t pay themselves, you know.”
- “The Marlboro Man has determined that the Surgeon General is a pussy.”
- “Each cigarette shortens your life by three minutes, so smoke faster.”
- “You have smoked… THREE… packs today. At this rate you will develop emphysema in… FIVE… years.”
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