File Description: The WindowsXP Source Code

Project: Version – Windows XP

Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE):

#include #include /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include /* For the court of law */

#define say(x) lie(x)
#define computeruser ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship another_beta_version

void main()
  if (latest_window_version>one_month_old)
    if (there_are_still_bugs)
    if (sales_drop_below_certain_point)
    make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
    if (rumours_grow_wilder)
    if (rumours_grow_even_wilder)
      say(“It will be ready in one month);
      order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
      order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
      order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
  switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
       say(“It will be ready in”, today+30_days,” we’re just testing”);
       say(“Yes it will work”);
       ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
       say(“It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to”
           ” the 32 bits architecture”);
       inform(INTEL, “Pentium sales will rise skyhigh”);
       inform(SAMSUNG, “Start a new memorychip plant”
              “‘cos all those customers will need at least 32 megs”);
       inform(QUANTUM, “Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple”);
       get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
       say(“Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for
       register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
           order(journalist, “write a nice objective article”);
           release (journalist);
   while (vapourware)
     introduction_date++; /* Delay */
     if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
     say(“It will be ready in”,today+ONE_MONTH);
  while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware)
    bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
    if (customers_report_installation_problems)
      say(“that is a hardware problem, not a software problem”);
      if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play)
        order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, “Keep an eye on this
    if ( bills_bank_account>skyhigh && marriage>two_years )
      wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
      if (boobies_start_to_hang)
    if (there_is_another_company)
      accuse(compagny, stealing_our_ideas);
      hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
  /* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at
     us */
  order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_bastard);
  buy(nice_little_island); hire(harem);

void bugfix(void)
  charge (a_lot_of_money)
  if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix)
    say(“It is not a bugfix but a new version”);
  if (still_complaints)
    register(customer, big_Bill_book);
    /* We’ll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/

A Secret

A woman named Frances once knew a young person at church named Debbie. Debbie always seemed effervescent and happy, although Frances knew she had faced struggles in her life. Her long-awaited marriage had quickly ended in divorce. She had struggled to get a grip on her single life. She hadn’t chosen it, but she decided she would live it with utmost enjoyment and satisfaction.

Debbie was active in Sunday school, in the choir, as a leader of the junior high girls’ group, and in the church renewal movement. Frances enjoyed knowing Debbie. Debbie’s whole face seemed to smile and she always greeted Frances with a hug.

One day Frances asked Debbie, “How is it that you are always so happy? You have so much energy, and you never seem to get down?”

With her eyes smiling, Debbie said, “I know the secret!”

“What secret is that? What are you talking about?” Frances asked.

Debbie replied, “I’ll tell you all about it, but you have to promise to share the ‘secret’ with others.”

Frances agreed, “Okay, now what is it?”

“The secret is this: I have learned there is little I can do in my life that will make me truly happy. I must depend on God to make me happy and meet my needs. When a need arises in my life, I have to trust God to supply according to HIS riches. I have learned that most of the time I don’t need half of what I think I do. HE has never let me down. Since I learned that secret I am happy.”

Frances’ first thought was, That’s too simple! But upon reflecting over her own life she recalled how she thought a bigger house would make her happy-but it didn’t! She thought a better-paying job would make her happy-but it hadn’t. When did she realize her greatest happiness? Sitting on the floor with her grandchildren, eating pizza and watching a movie, a simple gift from God.

Debbie knew the secret, Frances learned the secret, and now you know it too! We can’t depend on people to make us happy – only GOD in his wisdom can do that. Trust him.