Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road, Part 2

  • George W. Bush
    We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
  • Barack Obama
    The chicken had to be chased across the road by my security detail. They were supposed to clear the entire golf course because it is closed to everyone today – and any day I want to play golf!
  • Saddam Hussein
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
    All evil invader chickens must be slaughtered. The chickens are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. As our leader Saddam Hussein said, ‘God is grilling their thighs in hell.’
  • Al Gore
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
  • Bill Clinton
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
  • Ralph Nader
    The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
  • Pat Buchanan
    To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

  • Rush Limbaugh
    I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
  • Martha Stewart
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. And, did you know you can make the cutest little table decorations from the soft, downy feathers and a few artfully placed chicken droppings?
  • Jerry Falwell
    Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”
  • Dr. Seuss
    Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
  • Grandpa
    In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
  • Barbara Walters
    Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
  • John Lennon
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
  • Ronald Reagan
    What chicken?
  • Bill Gates
    I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
  • Albert Einstein
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
  • Johnny Cochran
    Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.
  • The Bible
    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

  • KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.
  • PLATO: For the greater good.
  • ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
  • KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
  • TIMOTHY LEARY: Because that’s the only trip the establishment would let it take.
  • SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
  • CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
  • HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
  • ARTHUR ANDERSEN CONSULTANT: Deregulation of the chicken’s side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting, in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken’s people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the
    implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting, enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken’s mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
  • LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
  • MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives being called into question.
  • MOSES: And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.
  • FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
  • RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
  • MACHIAVELLI: The point is that the chicken crossed the road. Who cares why? The end of crossing the road justifies whatever motive there was.
  • JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?”
  • FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
  • BILL GATES: I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
  • OLIVER STONE: The question is not, “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Rather, it is, “Who was crossing the road at the same time, whom we overlooked in our haste to observe the chicken crossing?”
  • DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to crossroads.
  • EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
  • BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
  • RALPH WALDO EMERSON: The chicken did not cross the road .. it transcended it.
  • ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
  • COLONEL SANDERS: I missed one?