Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road, Part 2

  • George W. Bush
    We don’t really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road or not. The chicken is either with us or it is against us. There is no middle ground here.
  • Barack Obama
    The chicken had to be chased across the road by my security detail. They were supposed to clear the entire golf course because it is closed to everyone today – and any day I want to play golf!
  • Saddam Hussein
    This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.
  • Iraqi Information Minister Mohammed Saeed al-Sahhaf
    All evil invader chickens must be slaughtered. The chickens are committing suicide by the hundreds on the gates of Baghdad. As our leader Saddam Hussein said, ‘God is grilling their thighs in hell.’
  • Al Gore
    I invented the chicken. I invented the road. Therefore, the chicken crossing the road represented the application of these two different functions of government in a new, reinvented way designed to bring greater services to the American people.
  • Bill Clinton
    I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What do you mean by chicken? Could you define chicken, please?
  • Ralph Nader
    The chicken’s habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.
  • Pat Buchanan
    To steal a job from a decent, hardworking American.

  • Rush Limbaugh
    I don’t know why the chicken crossed the road, but I’ll bet it was getting a government grant to cross the road, and I’ll bet someone out there is already forming a support group to help chickens with crossing-the-road syndrome. How much more of this can real Americans take? Chickens crossing the road paid for by their tax dollars, and when I say tax dollars, I’m talking about your money, money the government took from you to build roads for chickens to cross.
  • Martha Stewart
    No one called to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the farmer’s market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information. And, did you know you can make the cutest little table decorations from the soft, downy feathers and a few artfully placed chicken droppings?
  • Jerry Falwell
    Because the chicken was gay! Isn’t it obvious? Can’t you people see the plain truth in front of your face? The chicken was going to the “other side.” That’s what they call it — the other side. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And, if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like “the other side.”
  • Dr. Seuss
    Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, The chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed, I’ve not been told!
  • Grandpa
    In my day, we didn’t ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us.
  • Barbara Walters
    Isn’t that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heartwarming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.
  • John Lennon
    Imagine all the chickens crossing roads in peace.
  • Ronald Reagan
    What chicken?
  • Bill Gates
    I have just released eChicken 2003, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook – and Internet Explorer is an inextricable part of eChicken.
  • Albert Einstein
    Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?
  • Johnny Cochran
    Because the road was black and the chicken was white. We must acquit.
  • The Bible
    And God came down from the heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing.