The Hardware Store

A Polish man wants lunch, so he goes down to a place he knows of down the street, walks up to the counter, and says, “I want a
burger, some fries, and a chocolate shake.”

The man behind the counter says, “You must be Polish.”

The guys says, “Oh, I can’t believe it! Everyone always knows,” and he storms out of the place. He vows that he is going to learn to disguise his Polishness if it’s the last thing he ever does.

He goes to school to lose his accent. He goes to a fashion designer to have a whole new wardrobe designed for him. Then he goes to a finishing school to learn all the proper manners and how to behave in all circumstances.

A couple of months later the Polish man goes back to the same place and goes up to the same man at the counter.

“I would like to start first with some vichyssoise,” he says, “then I’ll have some steak tartare, and then I think I’ll finish off with some fresh raspberries.”

The man behind the counter says, “You must be Polish.”

The guy freaks out. “I just spent thousands of dollars on a wardrobe and finishing school! How is it that you always know I’m Polish?”

“Because,” the man behind the counter says, “this is a hardware store.”

I Need a Quick Divorce!

A Polish lad married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so and, although his English was far from perfect, they got on very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him – “very quick.”

The lawyer said that the speed of getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: Have you any grounds?
POLE: Ja, Ja, un acre und half.
LAWYER: Does your wife beat you up?
POLE: No, I always up before her.
LAWYER: Is your wife a nagger?
POLE: No, she white.
LAWYER: Why do you want this divorce?
POLE: She going to kill me.
LAWYER: What makes you think that?
POLE: I gut proof.
LAWYER: What kind of proof?
POLE: She bought bottle at drug stoore, und put on shelf in bathroom. I cun read – it suz “Polish Remover.”