Yesterday, I heard from a drug rep for Glaxo who told me that they are on the verge of launching a new herbal remedy that they think will take the market by storm. This drug sounds so promising that I want to suggest to my friends that they consider buying stock in the company now. The drug is called Gingko Viagra, and its function is to help you remember what the fuck you are doing.

With the introduction of Viagra to fix a perennial male problem, a famous British pharmaceutical company is working to re-dress the balance:

• MIRRORCILLIN — A 5cc dose enables a woman to walk past mirrors for up to four hours without pausing once.
• STOPPANAGGIN — Gives women a vague feeling of contentment towards their spouse/boyfriend.
• COSMOPOLIRA — Doubles female intelligence to almost simian levels, allowing “facts” in trash lifesytle magazines to be disputed.
• LOGICON — Trials showed that females taking this were able to follow a proposition through to its logical conclusion, and argue effectively without being diverted into non-relevant postulates such as “you dont’t love me anymore”.
• PARKATRON –72% of women taking this were able to safely reverse park a Ford Festiva into a space only 12 metres long, 54% achieved this in under 15 minutes.
• MAGNATACK — Uniquely distorts the cornea, making certain shapes appear much larger than in reality – no practical use for this drug has yet been found.
• WARDROBIA — Clinical trials show that almost 23% of women taking this drug can safely walk past a “sale” notice, and an amazing 42% stayed within their credit limit.
• BEERINTULIN — Engenders a females desire to bring her spouse/boyfriend alcoholic beverages and snacks during televised sports.