Warning Signs Your Cat is Too Fat

  • Cat door retro-fitted with garage door opener.
  • Confused guests constantly mistaking her for beanbag chair.
  • Always lands on her spleen.
  • Fewer calls to the fire department, but a sudden upsurge in broken branches.
  • Fifteen month gestation period, and still no kittens.
  • No longer cleans itself unless coated in Cheese Whiz.
  • Catfood dish replaced with Rush Limbaugh trough.
  • Luxurious, shiny black fur replaced with mint green polyester pants suit.
  • It’s no longer safe to lift him without a spotter.
  • “Steals breath” from all five quintuplets, simultaneously.
  • Waits for the third bowl of food to get finicky.
  • He only catches mice that get trapped in his gravitational pull.
  • Enormous gut keeps your hardwood floors freshly buffed.
  • Has more chins than lives.