- Son of SIMM: His random acts of murder (RAM) are some of the most shocking in recent memory. Hates his motherboard.
- Billy the CAD: Fastest drawing program in the West.
- Pretty eBay Floyd: Modern-day Robin Hood auctions faux antiques to the rich and donates the spoils to failing dot-coms.
- Bugsy C++-gul: A good coder gone bad.
- Ted Bondi Blue: Set out to write a virus to attack Power Macs and iMacs but switched to PCs when he discovered VBScript.
- James URL Ray: Assassinated the leader of the 32-bit color coalition.
- Hack the Ripper: Brutally rips MP3s and burns them to CDs. Displays total disregard for copyright laws.
- SCSI Borden: Gave her mother 40 Macs.
- John Dellinger: Escaped from prison brandishing a Latitude carved from soap.
- John WAN Gacy: Your child’s worst nightmare: A network administrator, a basement, and a clown suit.
- Baby FaceBook Nelson: Worst criminal of them all. Well known for stealing time and identities. Wields a lethal Poke.
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