- No need to saw off that damned house arrest anklet.
- Wobbly ISP performance not nearly as annoying as wobbly shopping cart wheel.
- No more blasts of perfume from the sample counter — until iSmell becomes
available, that is.
- The terms of your parole prohibit you from coming within 500 yards of a real Victoria’s Secret store.
- Don’t have to worry about giving in to that Orange Julius temptation.
- Since you haven’t been able to get through your front door in years, Godiva.com is a Godsend.
- Within seconds of buying grandma a large-print bible, you’re back to downloading that sweet, sweet porn.
- Can continue to test your theory you can live without leaving your specially designed “BioChair 2”.
- Can openly consult the voices in your head when buying that gift for Jodie Foster.
- Less contact with other humans means fewer on your list to be gunned down at a later date.
- You can finally get that kidney Uncle Bob always wanted.
- In a store, you can’t pleasure yourself watching Tommy Lee put it to Pam while your purchase is being wrapped.
- No insensitive idiots razzing you about that place you tuck your wallet when you shop naked.
- When your name is Dick Buttlipz, it’s better to not have to hand your Visa to a 16 year old sales clerk.
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