Tag Archives: nurse

He’s Not That Sick…

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Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain.

My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone.

I turned to my husband and asked, “Would you like me to call the funeral home now?”

With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, “Honey, he’s not THAT sick!”

Graduate Nurses versus Experienced Nurses

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  • A Graduate Nurse throws up when the patient does.
    An experienced nurse calls housekeeping when a patient throws up.

  • A Graduate Nurse wears so many pins on their name badge you can’t read it.
    An experienced nurse doesn’t wear a name badge for liability reasons.

  • A Graduate Nurse charts too much.
    An experienced nurse doesn’t chart enough.

  • A Graduate Nurse loves to run to codes.
    An experienced nurse makes graduate nurses run to codes.

  • A Graduate Nurse wants everyone to know they are a nurse.
    An experienced nurse doesn’t want anyone to know they are a nurse.

  • A Graduate Nurse keeps detailed notes on a pad.
    An experienced nurse writes on the back of their hand, paper scraps, napkins, etc.

  • A Graduate Nurse will spend all day trying to reorient a patient.
    An experienced nurse will chart the patient is disoriented and restrain them.

  • A Graduate Nurse can hear a beeping I-med at 50 yards.
    An experienced nurse can’t hear any alarms at any distance.

  • A Graduate Nurse loves to hear abnormal heart and breath sounds.
    An experienced nurse doesn’t want to know about them unless the patient is symptomatic.

  • A Graduate Nurse spends 2 hours giving a patient a bath.
    An experienced nurse lets the CNA give the patient a bath.

  • A Graduate Nurse thinks people respect Nurses.
    An experienced nurse knows everybody blames everything on the nurse.

  • A Graduate Nurse looks for blood on a bandage hoping they will get to change it.
    An experienced nurse knows a little blood never hurt anybody.

  • A Graduate Nurse looks for a chance “to work with the family”
    An experienced nurse avoids the family.

  • A Graduate Nurse expects meds and supplies to be delivered on time.
    An experienced nurse expects them to never be delivered at all.

  • A Graduate Nurse will spend days bladder training an incontinent patient.
    An experienced nurse will insert a Foley catheter.

  • A Graduate Nurse always answers their phone.
    An experienced nurse checks their caller ID before answering the phone.

  • A Graduate Nurse thinks psych patients are interesting.
    An experienced nurse thinks psych patients are crazy.

  • A Graduate Nurse carries reference books in their bag.
    An experienced nurse carries magazines, lunch, and some “cough syrup” in their bag.

  • A Graduate Nurse doesn’t find this funny.
    An experienced nurse does.

Don’t Anger the Nurse!

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A big shot business man had to spend a couple of days in the hospital. He was a royal pain to the nurses because he bossed them around just like he did his employees.

None of the hospital staff wanted to have anything to do with him. The head nurse was the only one who could stand up to him. She came into his room and announced, “I have to take your temperature.”

After complaining for several minutes, he finally settled down, crossed his arms and opened his mouth.

“No, I’m sorry, the nurse stated, “but for this reading, I cannot use an oral thermometer.” This started another round of complaining, but eventually he rolled over and bared his rear end.

After feeling the nurse insert the thermometer, he heard her announce, “I have to get something. Now you stay JUST LIKE THAT until I get back!”

She leaves the door to his room open on her way out. He curses under his breath as he hears people walking past his door laughing. After almost an hour, the man’s doctor comes into the room.

“What’s going on here?” asked the doctor.

Angrily, the man answers, “What’s the matter, Doc? Haven’t you ever seen someone having their temperature taken?”

After a pause, the doctor confesses, “Well, no. I guess I haven’t. Not with a daffodil, anyway.”

All Nurses Go To Heaven

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Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates.

The first nurse said, “I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, but occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven.”

St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The second nurse says, “I worked in an operating room. It’s a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patient is too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard.”

St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven.

The third nurse says, “I was a case manager for an HMO.”

St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse’s file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, “Congratulations! You’ve been admitted to heaven

… for five days!”